A couple days ago I got an email from my former thesis advisor, inviting all of us from his 2005 seminar to a little get together he was having with his 2006 class. I already had dinner plans with people but I figured I'd stop by for a little while beforehand.

I ended up having more fun there than I did with my friends. I was the only person from the 2005 group to show up, but I knew a couple of people who were in this year's class, and I think my advisor was happy to have someone there who has graduated and is able to attest to the fact that being shot out into the real world isn't AS sucky as it seems (although it does still suck, no question). I forgot how awesome my advisor is -- I haven't had any correspondence with him since last spring, when he emailed me to tell me that "Chaiyya Chaiyya" was used at the beginning of Spike Lee's Inside Man. (For those of you who weren't around pre-graduation, I wrote my thesis on Mani Ratnam's Dil Se in comparison to his earlier Tamil films, as well as to mainstream Hindi cinema in the 1990s.)

I also discovered that at the beginning of this year's seminar, he sent out MY THESIS as an example of what the class should be doing with their papers. He introduced me with the phrase "This is Roopa -- I sent you guys HER paper" (to which I responded "Wait, WHAT?!"). It's incredibly flattering but it was mildly embarrassing at the same time -- knowing that the bulk of my paper was whipped out over 48 hours at my great-aunt's computer in Chennai, I have to wonder whether it's really appropriate for 1/3 of this year's film studies graduates to have read my paper as a model of what they should be aspiring to. As I was leaving my advisor told me that all of his students wrote 50 page papers in an effort to "try to be as good as Roopa" (even though my paper was only 35 pages, maybe 50 with photo inserts attached). If I could turn red, I would have. There have been very few teachers who have been 100% behind me and my abilities, but he and my playwriting teacher from high school are the first two who immediately jump to mind.

I told him that writing my paper was really one of the most enjoyable experiences I had in my undergraduate career, and as I left the restaurant I realized that I wholeheartedly meant it. THAT'S the kind of passion I want to have about what I do for a living -- something that excites me so much to the point where it doesn't even feel like work anymore. I talked a lot about my career goals last night, and I'm happy to say that now, I am well on my way to acheiving what I think, at this point, I want to do with the rest of my life.

Subject: Promotion issue
Select One: Consumer

From Dictionary.com:
kar·ma /–noun
1. Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman.
2. Theosophy. the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.

I do not feel it is appropriate to be using the word karma in television promotions for Yoplait Chocolate Mousse Whips yogurt; from the definition above, it becomes clear that the message that you are trying to make about how good the product is does not correlate at all with the word that you have chosen, in the context in which it is being used.

I am not asking that these promotions be pulled off the air, as I know how expensive and inconvenient this would be. All that I suggest is that, the next time your advertisers decide to use a word from a religion or culture that is unfamiliar, they please take a little time to research exactly what it means before broadcasting an improper definition.

Thank you.

This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else but those commercials piss me off more and more each time I see them.

Just got in from LGA about 20 minutes ago. I don't want to fly again for a very, very long time.

The wedding this weekend was OK, a lot of fun but nothing to get excited about.

I will say this, however: seeing all the aunties in Kancheevaram silk sarees and the uncles in mismatched suits gettin' down and dirty to "SexyBack" may very well have made my weekend complete.

If I've come out of this shoot with one thing, it's this: I can now tie a saree in less than 5 minutes.

If it had been one of my goals to run around New York City in traditional Indian wedding clothing, I can safely say that I've done that too.

It's amazing how little time it takes for you to get out of shape.

My legs feel like Jell-O, but I feel FANTASTIC. I have all this energy I don't know what to do with. Time to kick this paper's ass.

On another note, it pisses me off to NO END that both Rani Mukherjee and Abhishek Bachchan won Filmfare awards for Yuva, and yet Mani Ratnam was not even NOMINATED for an award for Best Director. Yuva was so much more artistic and beautiful than most of the other film nominated -- I loved Swades and Hum Tum, but come on. Yuva was so raw, and so gorgeous, and so creatively shot, and it went so against the grain of most Bollywood fluff. Ratnam pulled such AMAZING performances out of his actors, and his films are so different every single time. It's so unfair that he isn't even acknowledged for his work, while people who make run-of-the-mill Bollywood romances get praised again and again for doing exactly the same thing over and over.

Don't get me wrong, I love Yash Raj Films, and Farah Khan, and most of the other films nominated. It just disappoints me that such a creative soul is overlooked time and time again by the mainstream Indian film industry.

Whatever. It's another case of Southies being kept down by The Man. We WILL triumph one day, I promise you. ;)

Sometimes I feel so damn inadequate for this school, and I wonder how I even got in here in the first place.

All the people here are so goddamn smart. It's unbelievably intimidating.

Sitting in my Indian Historiography class yesterday made me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I don't want to ever say anything for fear of it being irrelevant and rudimentary. I should have dropped it and taken the class on the Ramayana and Mahabharata instead. At least I've already read a good deal of those.

I like film, and music, and interacting with people on a social level. I like talking about politics, and views of the world, and the difference between love and attraction, and people's opinions on life and what it means -- but not in such a structured, class-like environment. I do want to be an intellectual sometimes, but I guess I don't have what it takes for it.

It's times like these I want to leave school, and go trekking around the world with a camera strapped to my hand. I'm not going to do it. But I think my self-esteem would be a lot less shot if it were a possibility.

[Made public on 19 Jan. 2005]

I would update more, if there were more interesting things going on right now.

But there aren't. I'm BORING. My life is BORING. All I do is sit on my butt and stare at the TV all day. I haven't worked out in the past week. I know it's vacation, and I'm entitled to rest, and yadda yadda yadda, but I wish I could feel like I was being more productive.

My parents talk to me about finding a job for this summer, and making sure I'm headed in the right direction. Currently my life is headed in no direction whatsoever.

Screw directing, working behind the scenes, all that. It's art, it's beautiful, I absolutely adore it, but more than anything else, I want to be a Bollywood heroine. Like that's ever going to happen. Like I can compete with the million and one other (and more worthy) girls vying to be the next Hema Malini or Madhuri Dixit or Kajol. Like my parents are ever going to be OK with me acting in movies as opposed to doing something "worthwhile."

And when I see these doctors going to help the tsunami victims, and all my pre-med friends talking about doing meaningful volunteer work when they get their degrees and leave med school, I feel so ashamed of wanting to go into something as "trivial" and "unimportant" as film. "But you're a FILM student," they say. "You're ARTSY. You're DIFFERENT. You're not your typical INDIAN." How the hell is being artsy and different going to help the world, or make a difference?

And then I start to think about whether or not art is really necessary, and whether film is art, and whether film is necessary, and I go all bonkers like I am right now. Am I choosing the wrong path? Am I pinning all my hopes on something futile? Am I going to end up working the register at a convenience store because I didn't follow my parents' advice and take the IIT entrance exam, or apply to engineering schools, or at least major in econ or a hard science?

Main bahut paresan hoon, par kya karun? I don't know what to do with myself right now, I'm so conflicted and confused. Everyone says that I seem to be "on the right track," but I just have no faith in myself anymore. If there's a divine entity up there, he/she needs to show me that I'm not screwing myself up, because otherwise I just don't know. I need one hell of a confidence booster right now.

RESOLVED.

1. Drop an inch and a half in my hips, and half an inch in my waist, by the end of the spring term, not by starving myself, but by controlling my diet and exercising every day (or at least every day possible).

2. Take more pictures.

3. Actually READ the NY Times online once in a while. Having it set as my homepage and skipping over it every day doesn't do a hell of a lot of good.

4. Develop a personal style. [I started doing this a bit in the fall...I'm thinking a whole "Carrie Bradshaw meets Bollywood" look, but I'm not exactly there yet. I want to flesh it out more this term.] Going along with this: Figure out how to control my hair (and find easier ways of straightening it when I want to) and learn how to apply dramatic eye makeup so that I don't look like a clown.

5. Make this year a LOT better academically than the last one was. [Which shouldn't be too hard, considering I REALLY want to take all the courses I'm registered for during the spring semester :)]

And a couple of overarching themes:
-- Be persistent in getting what I want. Giving up so easily won't get me anywhere.
-- Be open to new experiences and don't say no to trying things at least once (I've always tried to do this but I think I've lost sight of it lately).
--And finally...don't refuse any opportunity to turn life into something out of a Bollywood movie. ;)

My dad and I drove 10 hours in pouring sheet rain/sleet through Pennsylvania, got stuck in a 2 hour traffic jam, and almost skidded off the road due to I-271 being completely iced up.

But, I'm home at last. Mom had hot tea and bhel waiting for us upon our return. :)

No school stress for another 3 weeks.

It's so snowy and beautiful and Christmasy here. Last year at this time my dad and I were driving through Chennai and Andhra to get to Tirupati, and subsequently got ripped off and almost arrested there. Although I absolutely love India, and want to spend my life working there, I kind of missed this atmosphere then -- it's what I grew up with, along with this house and my family. I really want my parents to move to a warmer climate, but at the same time, if they do, I'll miss this place and the memories associated with it so much.

tsdelight, I had a great time during your visit, and I hope the rest of your time in NYC (minus the rain and soaking shoes) goes well.

A in Hindi and B+ in Topics so far. Kind of upset, I thought I could have done better in Topics, but we'll see how I do in my film classes and *grimace* Econ. Hopefully this semester turned out better than the preceding ones. My mom was talking to me the night before I left and told me "It's OK even if you get a C in Econ" and I started screaming "I can't get a C! I've never gotten a C in my life!" and she had to calm me down. It's so weird that I'm the one so worried about grades, and my parents, who spent my high school years demanding nothing but As from me, are totally calm about it now. I just wish Columbia would be a little more efficient with returning marks before January. Grawr.

I'm kind of worried about my course load next term, and that it's going to be too much for me, but I think it's wayyy too early to be concerned about practical things like that. ;)

Like sansira, I received a shipment from Eros, but my parents are being crazy and full of Christmas spirit and not letting me open it until tomorrow morning. So I guess I'm left to lying on the couch and watching Amar Akbar Anthony in the living room with a cup of tea and a blanket. *contented sigh* Sometimes I wonder what the big deal about college and independence and New York City is. I know I'll be dying to go back in 2 and a half weeks, but right now things are just about perfect.

I need to write this Film Theory paper, preferably before the wee hours of the morning, but I'm in the mood for some serious DDLJ-age.



Tujhe dekha to yeh jaana sanam
Pyaar hota hai deewana sanam
Ab yahan se kahan jaaye hum
Tere baahon mein marr jaaye hum

When I saw you, I knew this, darling
Love is madness, darling
Now where do we go from here?
Just let me die in your arms.

One of the most romantic movies I've ever seen.

Definitely not something to be thinking about when I need to focus.

I should be reading Kracauer. But my paper topics sheet was stolen and now I don't know what pages pertain to the film I'm writing on. Perfect excuse, right?

I'm so impatient for Monday to be over, class-wise. I'm already treating these days like they were reading week, when in reality classes haven't actually ended yet. I cannot wait for tsdelight's visit, nor can I wait to go home, and see my parents, and sleep in my bed. I love it here but it's starting to get to me. This week alone has been so stressful and I can't imagine what next semester is going to be like.

Saw Orchesis last night. Lianna's piece was fantastic, as were the pieces she danced in. I have such talented friends.

I watched "Ek Pal Ka Jeena" from Kaho Naa...Pyaar Hai repeatedly yesterday. I wish my life were carefree like Raj's. Dancing and singing and riding around on a motorbike and falling in love.

As much as I need to practice for my Hindi oral, I'm too scared of talking to people to actually hold a conversation with someone.

Volunteering at the Move Against AIDS Dance-A-Thon tonight with CUDM Steering and dancers. Should be a lot of fun. We get access to the VIP room and are performing during the Hip-Hop hour for 20 minutes. There's an after party at the Roxy, which I would go to were I not totally swamped with work this weekend.

I guess the stress of this week will just make it that much sweeter when it's finally over. But everything's moving so unbelievably slowly right now.

bollywood is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

That, my friends, epitomizes my personality.

I go into things saying very loudly that I have no expectations, but yet I keep expecting things to happen and wind up thoroughly disappointed at the end of it all.

Sometimes I wish that the love of my life was someone who I was intensely irritated by at first. That would make things a hell of a lot easier. And spare me a lot of unnecessary hatred of myself.

But, on to brighter things before I leave for class this morning...photos from this weekend, round 1.

( There's no sleep at a shaadi. )

Ugh. The last thing I want to do is go to Film Theory. But there's so little time in the semester left. It seriously feels like classes just started. Last year was a blur, and this term feels like it never even happened.

If the remaining 3 semesters are only going to go by faster...then I'm absolutely terrified.

Sometimes I just want my parents to arrange my wedding and be done with it. I'm inclined to just give up right about now.

Every time I listen to the Saathiya soundtrack I want a boyfriend.

::big long melodramatic sigh::

1) My big crazy extended family is awesome. This weekend was so much fun. I haven't celebrated Diwali like that in so long -- surrounded by people I love. I miss waking up to the hustling and bustling of an Indian home accommodating a houseload of guests. I ate so much...now extra gym time is in order. Suchinth and Shamika and Priya and Geeta Aunty everyone were all so warm and friendly and caring -- and even though I really missed my parents, and wished that they were there more than anything, they all still made me feel like I was at home.

2) ( Veer-Zaara! (review, with some spoilers ahead) )

3) I would like to use this opportunity to proclaim that I am in love with this man:



And never mind that he's supposedly engaged to Aishwarya (or is he? I actually don't really know for sure) -- she's a little piece of plastic with no soul. He needs a real woman of substance...namely me.

That is all. :) Now off to study before my computer shuts itself off on me again. I want a Powerbook.

Ughhhhh. Just gorged myself on half of a stack of orange flavored chocolate. I'm going to the gym tonight but I still feel so guilty.

I hope this doesn't get back to the point where I begin to feel crappy about my body no matter what. I thought getting down to a size 6 would be enough to convince me otherwise, but I guess I was wrong.

I need to strengthen my willpower. Desperately.

And the stupid manager at the movie theater wouldn't give me a Veer-Zaara poster, even though I literally begged him for one. I'm going to steal one if he still doesn't relent on Friday. And I have Priya as my getaway vehicle.

Things driving me forward right now: Wednesday morning (SO EXCITED) and Diwali in Westchester/seeing V-Z this weekend.

The Hindi TA spent the entire class today insulting my handwriting.

Well, buddy, as long as we're talking about bad handwriting, yours completely takes the cake.

This shouldn't have made me as upset as it did, but I'm so irked right now, mainly because everyone else tells me my handwriting is beautiful. I don't think my handwriting's bad -- I think he has a personal grudge against me for some unknown reason. He told me to shut up at the beginning of class today too.

I wish Shaheenji could teach all 4 days instead of having this guy come in and ruin my week :(

Garba = a lot of fun when:

1) people include you in their larger circles (because more people makes it so much more enjoyable) and
2) you have 2 dandiya instead of 1.

Unfortunately, neither happened last night, but it was still a great evening. The place was FILLED with desis dressed so elegantly and spinning around in circles -- it was so beautiful to look at from the topmost seats (I wish I had a camera so I could have taken a picture). Falguni Pathak (the "Navratri Queen" as my sister-in-law calls her) was performing -- I had no idea that was going to happen -- no WONDER the tickets were so expensive. Prash and Priya and I got back at around 2 and then watched the last hour of Hum Tum before going to bed. My feet are so sore from running around Nassau Coliseum barefoot for 4 hours.

My cousins see me as an equal now, as opposed to the baby sister of the family. My sister-in-law even let me borrow her chudiyan for the night (which were impossibly difficult to get on and off...) That makes me so incredibly happy.

The look of amazement on Prashant's face when his dandiya broke in half was PRICELESS. :)

I cried at the end of Sholay.

SHOLAY, for God's sake.

Why must Bollywood make such a big crybaby out of me?

(Awesome movie, by the way, see it if you haven't as yet.)