Being bedridden can be fun.

Not so much, though, when you have a terrible fever.

My boss sent me on a run on Monday. The morning had been beautiful and I decided to dress for summer, so I was wearing a cute little skirt, a tank top, and strappy sandals. However, when I got to 37th street, I was hit with a surprise rainshower. And I had nothing with which to protect me. I was forced to wander around midtown, for around 10 blocks, in the rain.

So it's no surprise that the next morning, I felt like shit.

I spent 3/4 of Tuesday and all of yesterday in a state of delirium. I called out of work yesterday and today and played episodes of Sex and the City and Hindi movies in the background while I drifted in and out of fever-induced sleep. Somehow when I'm sick I can't fall asleep in complete silence. I need something playing on TV.

I would, however, like to thank a couple of people:
--Jess, for bringing me water and soup and returning my rented DVDs on Tuesday night even though she was on her way out on a date.
--Paulash, for calling/IMing every few hours to check up on me and make sure that I'm not dead.
--My mommy and daddy for putting up with me calling at 6pm, 8pm, and 10pm with "I feel so yuckyyyyyyy..."
--My TV (yes, it is a person) and Kim's Video for providing me with wonderful background noise to fall asleep to. [On a side note: I always thought that in order to work at Kim's you needed to have a bad attitude, but today I had a conversation with the guy who was checking me out about how awesome SATC is! And then the girl who handed me the DVDs as I was walking out actually SMILED at me. WHOA. What is happening to the universe?!]

Now. Back to bed until later this evening. But I'm feeling a LOT better now and (hopefully) ready for a weekend of debauchery with reeya. I shouldn't say that though. Don't want to jinx things any more than I already have... ;)

This week, I:

-- Went to the beach for the first time since I was 8 years old.
-- Discovered that I suck at quarters and that if I ever need to get drunk really quickly, I should play it.
-- Learned how to crew a sailboat. (I still can't do it very well, but it was so awesome.)
-- Drank WAY too much cheap beer for one week. (Just to give you a general idea...30 of us went through 240 cans on Thursday night alone. Yeah.)
-- Funnelled. (I was TOTALLY scared before I actually did it, but really, it's not that hard. I was so surprised.)
-- Called the men on the trip a "bunch of whores" after they sabotaged a men vs. women game of flip-cup by physically preventing me from flipping the final one properly.
-- Proceeded to dance with every single one of said men during our late-night, neighbors-calling-the-cops inducing dance parties.
-- Watched Top Gun with a large group of people and played drinking games to it.
-- Went skinnydipping. Twice.
-- Became more than grateful that I have a bed to sleep in every night here. (I only got a bed 2 out of the 8 nights we were there.)
-- Won the 2005 CU Sailing Team Beirut [Beer Pong] Championship with my wonderful partner Weston (aka Team Awkward, then as Team Awesome as we kicked ass all night). And gained bragging rights for an entire year. These people play beirut like it's their JOB. And we beat them all. Mwahahaha.
-- Had one of the aforementioned dance parties on the beach at 1 in the morning, which ended up in the neighbors calling the cops after the music went out and we resorted to singing "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" and "Baby Got Back" a capella.
-- Had a giant, fully-clothed orgy with about 2/3 of the sailing team (which basically consisted of everyone just piling up on the couch and then the bed, until it thinned out to the point where only 4 of us were passed out in the same spots we originally were in. 4 people in a queen bed isn't actually as uncomfortable as it looks, but maybe that's because we were all piled up on top of each other all night.).
-- Went into a porn megastore called "Shhh...Don't Tell Momma" to ask for a t-shirt with "Shhh...Don't Tell Momma" written on it. We didn't end up getting them, but it's now the slogan for CUST Spring Break 2005. We're getting our own shirts made.
-- Rode to and from the sailing site and other places in a 1981 Cadillac El Dorado, which lost and then regained its power steering, with the top down.
-- Made 27 or so AWESOME new friends. Who I love to death. And am going to hang out with on a regular basis from now on.

I'm totally going to start hustling the beirut crowd at the West End now. "What's this?...I've never played this before..." Hehehe.

Pictures as soon as I get everything together, unpacked and uploaded.

I'm having such senior year of high school nostalgia right now -- I recently started listening to the band Dynamite Hack again, which was on a CD that was burned for me towards the end of the previous summer. I started thinking a lot about that year in general and compiled a list of the most vivid memories I have. The italicized ones are my favorites.

THINGS TO REMEMBER WHILE READING THIS.
1) I was a GIANT theater dork. And by giant, I mean GIANT. It was the only group of people I felt remotely comfortable around (and even then, towards the end, I started hating a lot of them as well).
2) I was incredibly shy. I never dated, and anytime I liked a guy I would automatically withdraw and never, ever talk to him. And I wondered why no one ever asked me out.
3) I was an extremely different person from who I am now -- scarily so, in fact. I was quiet and reserved and afraid to talk to people. I was a music elitist, a wannabe punk, always wishing I were someone else. I was scared of the internet, I was terrified of strangers, and still in the process of figuring out who I was (I still am, but I'm a lot more confident now in what I've found out). I was an unbelievable tomboy -- I have some horrible stories about that, for those who want to hear them -- and completely out of shape; I've dropped about 3-4 sizes since then and would actually describe myself as thin now (recent self-esteem rants left aside for the moment). I was afraid of being Indian, because I was one of the only desis in my high school and never had anyone to share my rich culture with me. A few years make a hell of a lot of difference, and I totally like who I am now SO much better than who I was then.

And now...

( This is going to be so embarrassing. )

By the way -- Dynamite Hack's version of Eazy-E's "Boyz in the Hood" is pure gold. Listen to it. If you don't download, I will send it to you. Everyone should hear this song, it's just too funny. [Then again, it could just be me. But what the hell.]

I wish I had the motivation to go out right now, or do something remotely priductive, or even at least make myself look presentable. But, when you just end up sitting at home in front of the TV all day, what's the point? At least I'll be excited to return to school in the next week or so.

I wish my face would clear up.

I wish I could figure out why I've all of a sudden been feeling so winded when I try to work out on the skier. I went from doing 20 minutes (and wanting to do more!) last week to barely getting 10 in yesterday. I wish that I could stop being so obssessed with my heart, and that I couldn't hear it beat at night, and that I didn't worry about my health failing all the time when I have absolutely no reason to. I wish that there were more to do in Cleveland, and that the roads weren't as bad as they are now, so that my mind didn't have to be as idle and run as wild as it does now.

I wish I could stop feeling so guilty, especially when I'm sitting here in a warm house in front of a big-screen TV, when my mom wants to take me out shopping tomorrow, when I'm looking at magazines and ads and Sex and the City and thinking to myself "oooh that's cute, I wish I had that." I feel so unbelievably superficial, especially when thinking about the tsunami, and the people (especially children) who are suffering, and the people I've met who are donating and actually going to Sri Lanka and Indonesia to help out, when I'm a broke and helpless college student who can't do anything except pray and hope for the situation to get better soon.

But. On a lighter note.

( stolen from sonalism )

RESOLVED.

1. Drop an inch and a half in my hips, and half an inch in my waist, by the end of the spring term, not by starving myself, but by controlling my diet and exercising every day (or at least every day possible).

2. Take more pictures.

3. Actually READ the NY Times online once in a while. Having it set as my homepage and skipping over it every day doesn't do a hell of a lot of good.

4. Develop a personal style. [I started doing this a bit in the fall...I'm thinking a whole "Carrie Bradshaw meets Bollywood" look, but I'm not exactly there yet. I want to flesh it out more this term.] Going along with this: Figure out how to control my hair (and find easier ways of straightening it when I want to) and learn how to apply dramatic eye makeup so that I don't look like a clown.

5. Make this year a LOT better academically than the last one was. [Which shouldn't be too hard, considering I REALLY want to take all the courses I'm registered for during the spring semester :)]

And a couple of overarching themes:
-- Be persistent in getting what I want. Giving up so easily won't get me anywhere.
-- Be open to new experiences and don't say no to trying things at least once (I've always tried to do this but I think I've lost sight of it lately).
--And finally...don't refuse any opportunity to turn life into something out of a Bollywood movie. ;)

1) My big crazy extended family is awesome. This weekend was so much fun. I haven't celebrated Diwali like that in so long -- surrounded by people I love. I miss waking up to the hustling and bustling of an Indian home accommodating a houseload of guests. I ate so much...now extra gym time is in order. Suchinth and Shamika and Priya and Geeta Aunty everyone were all so warm and friendly and caring -- and even though I really missed my parents, and wished that they were there more than anything, they all still made me feel like I was at home.

2) ( Veer-Zaara! (review, with some spoilers ahead) )

3) I would like to use this opportunity to proclaim that I am in love with this man:



And never mind that he's supposedly engaged to Aishwarya (or is he? I actually don't really know for sure) -- she's a little piece of plastic with no soul. He needs a real woman of substance...namely me.

That is all. :) Now off to study before my computer shuts itself off on me again. I want a Powerbook.

I revised my goal list from this spring. Eliminated some, crossed some off, added some, changed some to reflect my personality at this moment. (If you're interested in the originals, go to the entry from May 9, 2004.)

~attend a film festival
~spend an entire day lingerie shopping
~do the dressing room thing (if you want to know...and you probably don't, trust me...ask)
~learn to tango
~learn how to tie a sari properly
~own a red crepe sari (they're so pretty...)
~become closer to my parents (this summer worked wonders!)
~make a feature
~learn to play poker
~own a dog
~don't worry so much
~get over my asshole ex-boyfriend recent events have made this MUCH easier.
~have two guys fight over me (stupid, I know, but it's my silly ego-boosting one)
~make a lasting impression in the (Indian) film industry
~see the Magnetic Fields live ...and I want to go again when they come to Carnegie Hall in Nov., but I can't find anyone who'll go with me :(
~fall asleep in my boyfriend's arms in front of a fire
~be able to bargain and successfully lower prices :)
~find a flattering bikini
~give blood (I couldn't previously because of medicine that drastically lowered my blood pressure as a side effect...now that I'm off that medication I would really like to)
~see The Princess Bride (because EVERYONE talks about it and I don't get all the jokes)
~be in a movie...even as an extra
~go to an exclusive party and/or afterparty
~attend an awards show
~smile more, especially around people I don't know
~go to Stratford, ON (my childhood Shakespeare festival vacation stop) with a bunch of friends
~be at peace with who I am not to say I'm completely OK with myself now, but I've come a LONG way from where I used to be.
~sew the buttons back on to my coat(s) (haha yes, they're still buttonless)
~take a year off school or work to travel the world
~spend a considerable about of time in India, preferably working a movie shoot (I desperately want to do this during the summer, but it's so unlikely...)
~become more gutsy when it comes to men
~shop with my mother in New York City (the fact that I still haven't done this is atrocious)
~intern at Yash Raj Films, Dharma Productions or Madras Talkies
~see every single one of Hitchcock's movies
~receive roses from a boy
~cook a full Indian meal BY MYSELF -- with no assistance from anyone (this isn't going to happen until I marry. Anytime I cook Indian food now, someone HAS to help me. I'm not a submissive housewife just yet.)
~fly first-class somewhere
~visit a real rainforest (the one in Seattle doesn't count)
~be as hot as the woman who played the mom in Goodbye Lenin! when I'm older (talk about long-term, right?)
~become fluent in Hindi and be able to hold an everyday conversation in Tamil
~meet one of the living Beatles
~spend some time working with children (au pair, tutor, children's television, etc.)
~use film to make people happy

I'm curious as to what other people's goals are -- I developed mine thanks to my lovely former roommate jessiika. So share yours! The stupid ones, the thought-provoking ones, whatever. I'm really interested in what people want to accomplish over the long term.

511 Dodge has to be the only room on campus STILL running the air conditioner, even when it's 53 degrees outside. I'm still trying to get my body temperature back up from class this morning.

I've been listening to "D'yer Mak'er" by Led Zeppelin all night and feeling extremely wistful about a variety of things. So I decided to write down the goals that have been stuck to my door all year, just to have a record of some sort. Sadly, most of them were NOT completed this year, but that's what the rest of my life is for, right? So. In the next few years (or more, depending on the goal), I would like to...

~attend a film festival
~spend an entire day lingerie shopping
~do the dressing room thing (if you want to know...and you probably don't, trust me...ask)
~learn to tango
~make a feature
~become closer to my parents
~learn to play poker
~don't worry so much
~have two guys fight over me (stupid, I know, but it's my silly ego-boosting one)
~make a lasting impression in the film industry
~see the Magnetic Fields live
~win Sloan's heart back
~fall asleep in my boyfriend's arms in front of a fire
~drink gin at the Bowery and/or Elaine's
~meet Stephin Merritt
~own a record player and an impressive collection of vinyl
~find a bikini which makes me look hotter than the average hot girl ::smiles coyly::
~see The Princess Bride (because EVERYONE talks about it and I don't get all the jokes)
~be in a movie...even as an extra
~crowdsurf
~go to an exclusive party and/or afterparty
~attend an awards show
~go to Stratford, ON (my childhood Shakespeare festival vacation stop) with a bunch of friends
~be at peace with who I am
~sew the buttons back on to my coat(s)
~take a year off school or work to travel the world
~spend a considerable about of time in France, Italy, Spain and/or India
~become more gusty when it comes to men
~shop with my mother in New York City
~go up to a guy I like/think is hot, kiss him, and walk away without saying anything
~intern at a film or TV company
~see every single one of Hitchcock's movies
~receive roses
~fly first-class somewhere
~visit a real rainforest (the one in Seattle doesn't count)
~be as hot as the woman who played the mom in Goodbye Lenin!
~relearn Swedish
~meet one of the living Beatles
~spend some time working with children (au pair, tutor, children's television, etc.)
~have a long conversation with Andrew Sarris (one of my profs, one of the most respected film critics in history, and an extremely interesting man)
~use film to challenge the way people think

Shit. That's a hell of a lot of goals. Oh well...I have time, right? ::smiles::

RESOLVED:

1) I need to see Health Services about this cough. Immediately. I feel like the whole world is getting pissed off at me, especially when I let a loud hack out during the loaded silences in movies and performances. But I can't help it!

2) Manu Chao rocks my world.

3) My room is a disaster. Jessiika, love, we need to clean up...preferrably before move-out...

4) People still aren't responding to me about jobs for this summer. Well, scratch that. One company has...and has flat-out rejected me. But it's ok. I don't need them. I can work at Sesame Street instead...hopefully...I have a place to live, why can't I just find a job??

5) Kill Bill Vol. 2 is going to flat out kick ass. That's all there is to it. At 9:45 tonight I'll be sitting in a theatre at Lincoln Center enjoying the second installment of Q. Tarantino's saga of betrayal and violence. SO EXCITED.
EDIT: Oh shit, oh shit, I am about to have an orgasm because it was so good. See it. NOW.

6) 5 papers all due within the same week. As well as multiple applications for various things. Golly gee, this is going to be FUN.

7) My TA is 28 years old (or so). That, and is completely oblivious to women drooling over him and "just doesn't date," according to my friend Ana. Oh, and all the girls in my section have crushes on him. BUT: he never told any of them he wanted to procreate with them in the event of the apocalypse (I think). Still, this kind of comes as a blow...

8) Thank you to you guys who have been so supportive of me during this terrible week. I know I haven't exactly been the most wonderful person, and I really appreciate everything you have done for me.

9) Fucking THIRD ROW CENTER for the Magnetic Fields concert on May 20. HELL FUCKING YES. Sloan owes me a million and a half for this one.

I think that's it for now. And if it's not, screw it, it wasn't important anyway.

i love the piano on this song.

i like making lists, it helps me sort out my head.

1) kill bill was a damn awesome movie...bloody, but awesome.
2) filming started yesterday morning on the sloan bradford story, tentatively titled shades of kentucky. (cut to shot of sloan putting on sunglasses.) we barged into ruggles at 915 or so, waking the poor guy up. i felt horrible, since i was the one who caused him to be out until 2 the night before. meera, diana and i woke up at 745 and went to radio shack for dvs at 8, only to discover that the store wasn't open until 9. so we sat in tom's with coffee and various breakfast items for an hour.
3) diwali dinner was fun. they went all out this year, which surprised me, considering how bootleg it was last year. the food was pretty good, i've had better and it was extraordinarily spicy, but i definitely wouldn't call it bad. i got all dressed up in my red lehnga (the same one i wore last year, i should have asked for the pink one instead), and was kind of stressed out before we left (i apologize for semi-freaking out to all who were there), but i calmed down, partly thanks to the fact that all evening sloan couldn't stop telling me how good i looked. ::giddiness::
4) instead of staying for garba, partly because i was exhausted and partly because both of us wanted to see a movie, we went back to my room (where i changed), hung out there for about an hour, then went back to lincoln center and saw school of rock. it was really funny, the little stylist kid was hilarious. i highly recommend it to everyone. who would have expected jack black to work so well with little kids?
5) broadway shakes at tom's are fucking amazing.