It's been a really tough winter and beginning of 2007. I've been writing about most of it in locked entries because a lot of it I just don't feel like discussing with everyone. I fell into a huge post-grad slump where I missed Columbia desperately and wanted more than anything to go back to that simpler time. I felt hugely dissatisfied and totally caged in by both my work life and my social life. I didn't leave my apartment for most of January through March, usually claiming that it was because of the bitterly cold weather, but more often than not, I just didn't want to talk to or see anyone. I turned down invitations to go out one after one because I just couldn't handle seeing happy people. It sounds awful, but I was in such a self-pitying state of mind that, while I was glad to hear about my friends' successes at work or new relationships, it always triggered a "why not me" reflex that I desperately wanted to avoid.
But then the cliche of March "going in like a lion and coming out like a lamb" really did happen to me, for the first time in my life. What started as a continuation of the worst month by far that I had experienced post-college (February SUCKED, and that's all I really feel like saying for now) ended with a kind of rebirth -- a rebirth of my career aspirations, my social life, and my generally good demeanor and satisfaction with life as it is. I took a new job in the department where I used to intern at MTV, which I absolutely love so far, and I have a pretty solid understanding of how I want my career to progress, from growth within the department to grad school to what I eventually want to focus on.
As for personal matters -- nothing's really changed, nothing major has happened, but I think my more positive outlook on my work experience is rubbing off on everything else. It makes sense, because as someone who gets very personally involved in her job, if things aren't going well in that area I'll tend to be down about the rest of my life. I've been told that that's not a good way to operate, that I should learn to leave my work at the office, but I don't necessarily want "who I am" and "what I do" to be mutually exclusive. And I saw that happening for a while, and it scared me -- enough to want to make a change, and to follow through on it. For a while I didn't feel any passion for what I was doing during three-fourths of my time, and at the end of the day I just couldn't handle that. At the end of the day, I had to do what was best for me.
I have more stories, about Indian matrimonial websites and my parents' outlook on dating suddenly making a total 180 and fiascos with trying to edit Muse's thesis presentation in my spare time and all of my friends suddenly deciding to leave the city -- but that's too many words for one post. So I'll be back, in a lot less than four months -- but right now, the delightful weather and lunch beckon. May flowers, here I come.
But then the cliche of March "going in like a lion and coming out like a lamb" really did happen to me, for the first time in my life. What started as a continuation of the worst month by far that I had experienced post-college (February SUCKED, and that's all I really feel like saying for now) ended with a kind of rebirth -- a rebirth of my career aspirations, my social life, and my generally good demeanor and satisfaction with life as it is. I took a new job in the department where I used to intern at MTV, which I absolutely love so far, and I have a pretty solid understanding of how I want my career to progress, from growth within the department to grad school to what I eventually want to focus on.
As for personal matters -- nothing's really changed, nothing major has happened, but I think my more positive outlook on my work experience is rubbing off on everything else. It makes sense, because as someone who gets very personally involved in her job, if things aren't going well in that area I'll tend to be down about the rest of my life. I've been told that that's not a good way to operate, that I should learn to leave my work at the office, but I don't necessarily want "who I am" and "what I do" to be mutually exclusive. And I saw that happening for a while, and it scared me -- enough to want to make a change, and to follow through on it. For a while I didn't feel any passion for what I was doing during three-fourths of my time, and at the end of the day I just couldn't handle that. At the end of the day, I had to do what was best for me.
I have more stories, about Indian matrimonial websites and my parents' outlook on dating suddenly making a total 180 and fiascos with trying to edit Muse's thesis presentation in my spare time and all of my friends suddenly deciding to leave the city -- but that's too many words for one post. So I'll be back, in a lot less than four months -- but right now, the delightful weather and lunch beckon. May flowers, here I come.
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